Thursday, December 31, 2009

Time to Put the Christmas Tree Away

For the most part the Christmas Tree has remained unscathed.  With the exception of a few ornamental massacres and one scalped Santa. 

I have been blaming the kids for eating the candy canes and leaving the wrappers all over the place. 

I now know why there are no candy canes left on the bottom half of the tree

And the source of the suspiciously fragrant mystery gas is revealed


"It is MY candy cane!"

"I didn't steal it off the tree like Bonnie Brat does...but I have no problems cleaning up the mess she leaves behind"

Speaking of behinds, peppermint doesnt a sweet smelling doggie toochis make.

On the contrary, it is akin to death.  A choking green cloud of death.

"But hey, at least my breath is minty fresh!"

Yep, time to take the Christmas Tree down.  

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A Training Plan Gone Wrong

This morning I got up with the good intentions of loading up the dogs and making the trip to Fido's to work sheep.

I made my coffee, fixed the dogs their breakfast.  Then I sat down to eat my breakfast and look over my 'training notes'...and remembered our last session on sheep.

Training Objective:   'Walk-About' to work on pace, balance and hopefully not fall and break my neck. 

Let me share what really happened...

"Lie down" thinking to myself "please please please stay there and let me get to the sheep...please".

Bonnie says "I am only laying down because the sheep are in the corner and the fence is right there - not because I respect you nimrod". 

Bonnie...wrong way

Bonnie I am walking back wards...why are you trying to go to their heads and get behind me?  WTF?

That is better, please slow down

You are doing it again....

Yes, behind them...that is where I want you.

Right there....nice

 Hey, KNOCK IT OFF!  Don't bite the sheep! What did that sheep do to you? 

There!   Nice....

 Easy now...getting there

Stand, STAND!  STAND DAMMIT!  Why are the evil ones so pretty?

Bonnie stop pushing the sheep against me so hard, I am going to fall down AGAIN!  

Uhhh Bonnie...'THERE!"  Wait, no...STOP! STAND!  LIE DOWN!     SLOW DOWN SPEED RACER!

Please stop?  *sobbing*

Voice in head says "GO SOMEWHERE - let her keep the sheep with you"

Bonnie you are supposed to keep them with me, not scatter them like bowling pins!  GAH!


Lets try this again...Go somewhere...pant, wheeze, gasp...

Can't breathe....must. eat. less...why did I stop going to Curves again?

I am running...why is she running faster?  Hey..I am staying ahead of the sheep.  This is a good thing - but I am going to have a coronary. 

Please stop, my heart is going to explode...right here...will make mess.

There....yes, THERE!  

Good.... easy...

Thank doG I am against the fence...because I think I am going to hurl. 

Lie down....PLEASE!  NO!  Not that way!

Oh fine....then....*sigh*... must run to center of field again...


Oh, doG I am in the corner - they are coming right at me!  This is gonna hurt!

Back out in the middle....cripes...lets try this again

There.. need to end on a good note.  Bonnie STOP!  Stand...Lie Down...DAMMIT

She finally did lie down,  only because I collapsed in a shuddering heap of sweat and drool.  I think it was a 'pity' lie down. 

After reviewing this last training session, I walked over to the pantry, took out the bottle of Irish Cream and added a hefty dollop to my coffee.  Took a taste and dumped a bunch more into the pot.  Today we stayed home... What is on pay per view? 

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Dogs, Swans, Socks, Quilts & Christmas

I have been MIA and apologize.

Blame my camera.

My brain has been sucked into the camera abyss and won't let go.

I keep hearing these voices in my head.

Errr, beyond the other voices that are there everyday.  You know the ones - the ones that told me to adopt border collies and buy cameras.  Nuts eh?

The voices keep saying "MUST PHOTOGRAPH EVERYTHING"

Like Vicki's old boy Grizz, a newfie-lab mix.  Who could pass up that drool face?


I think the voices are from a 'higher power'.   They make me photograph CATS!  Yes, CATS?  Ranger was disgusted with me.  Gus was a little bewildered too. 

What more proof do you need than this?  While driving to my parents for a Christmas get together - suddenly the rain clouds parted, the sun shone and a rainbow appeared - shining down upon a huge arse flock of migrating trumpeter & tundra swans.  Okay, so you have to squint to see the rainbow.  It is there I am telling ya!

Swans are good for the heart.  They make it smile and sigh.  This picture does not - it sucks.  But it shows a mixture of trumpeter & tundra swans together. I did not get a decent picture of the sheer volume of swans in the Skagit River valley that morning numbering in the thousands.  I focused on one smaller grouping of mainly trumpeter swans and their young.  Fascinating birds...

Trumpeter swan coming in for a landing!  Yeeeha!  (click on any picture for larger view)

 If I didn't pull off the free way (thus causing us to be late & my father to pace) then I would have been struck down by the great photo buff in the sky.

 Bad things will happen if you pass up excellent lighting and rare birds.  I'm just sayin'

These birds yell at you while you take their pictures too. They say things like "HONK HONK OVEREXPOSED"  or "HONK HONK YOUR F-Stop is FFF'ED".  Ever heard them?  They are loud and noisy. 

But I still think they are beautiful.

This is what happens when a young border collie escapes the car and runs to Camera Face.

My father didnt buy the "God made us late" story.  Shadow told him I am full of crapola.

My parents live at Shadows house

Shadow was very happy to see Bonnie & Brynn.  However, he was not thrilled about Camera Face

Even at my parents house I was compelled to photograph everything.  Like my father's empty chair.

Looking at this picture I had to ask myself a question.  There are pictures of sheep on the walls, and even a picture of a border collie with sheep.  The entire second story of their house is occupied by wool, scads and scads of wool.  Sheep are an integral part of my parents house. 

So how did they end up with this?

Well, you know he is black and white.  I will give him that. And there is the adorable factor - okay, he is an honorary border collie.  He does a very good job of protecting my mom's yarn, but guarding my dad's lap is the top of his 'to-do' list. 

My mother knitted John socks for Christmas.  When he took them out of the bag - they were still attached to knitting needles.  She fitted them to his feet and finished them right there.  John is the happy owner of custom fitted wool socks.  He is a happy electrician with warm feet.   

He was speechless when he opened this ... my Mom made him his very own quilt!  If you want to make a grown man get misty eyed - give him a hand made flannel quilt.  Works like a charm. 

But nothing, I mean NOTHING tops this.

My mom made me my very own Border Collie quilt.  Perfect for snuggling in my chair.  The quilt backing is sheep & border collies - the companion fabric to the border collies on the front. 

Best Christmas present ever.  Thank you Mom & Dad.  I will cherish it forever.